Chasing the Pause
Our last blog topic was about anger… arguably the most complicated emotion we experience because it usually encompasses so much more than anger itself. In my work with children, I would ask them: “Is it ok to be angry?” and predictably, most of the kids would answer “No!”. Of course, I’d set them up. I would talk to them about how being angry is ok; all feelings are ok. This led to a discussion about how what we do when we are angry is sometimes the part that is not ok.
The trick, you see, is the pause. You know it: that split second between feeling and reaction. It’s so elusive. If I’m completely honest, I’ve been chasing that pause for most of my life. In my better moments, I can catch myself in a negative feeling, take the pause, and choose a healthy reaction. Admittedly, oftentimes what happens is I am quick to react without the pause. When that’s the road I choose, I usually end up apologizing to someone for reacting without thinking first. The best I can do is take responsibility, commit to continuing to learn and grow, and continue to chase that elusive pause.
In my conversations with kids, it was easy to separate feelings into two categories. All feelings are ok and equally as important – but emotions like joy, excitement, and silliness, they’re the EASY ones, right? Everyone likes those, and knows how to do them pretty well for the most part. But feeling things like afraid, nervous and angry? Those are the HARD ones. One might even suppose that those may be even more important than the others because we have to know how to do them in a healthy way.
I’m always amazed at how really these discussions are easily transferred to adults. As I said in a previous blog post, we are all just big people walking around with little selves inside of us. Sometimes we need to be reminded that all feelings are ok, we just have to work harder at doing the hard ones. When we have a day that is joyful, that’s easy! But when we have a more difficult day with those hard feelings and must try to find the pause, that takes work.
Of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that Two Sage Sisters’ element kits were designed with this in mind: to help you identify how you’re feeling, take a moment to pause, reframe your thinking, and give you the opportunity to handle those hard feelings in a healthy way. If you’ve got a strategy for finding the pause, share it in the comments below!
